His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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