textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
