Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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