he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
