Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
