your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So much rum. So many feels.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
