More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
