Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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