dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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