My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
