I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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