So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
