Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
