yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize