two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
