The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
