So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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