U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
