That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
