When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
