It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
