You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
