we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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