i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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