if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my being single is dangerous.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize