you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize