the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize