i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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