U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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