but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
