i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
