oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
