peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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