It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
