he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
