i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
