Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
