i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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