best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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