Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize