you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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