it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
