At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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