apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
