if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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