I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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