I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
