She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
