Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
