First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
