It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
