There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize