if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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