so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
