Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
