i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
