I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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