I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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