"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
