He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
