VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
