Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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