The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
