Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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