So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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