y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
