# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
